


In Our Lifetimes

by absentlovers



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, F/F, F/M, Genderbending, M/M, POV First Person, Panic At The Disco (Band), Reincarnation, Ryden
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-08 03:32:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4289106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absentlovers/pseuds/absentlovers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's only fair that I should be the one to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes until I find the one where you'll return to me."</p><p> Series of Ryden drabbles. Reincarnation AU. Ryan's perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 5th Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on/inspired by 25 Lives by tongari which can be found on livejournal [here](http://s2b2.livejournal.com/142934.html). It's in Ryan's perspective, just in case you missed it. Please know that it features genderbent Ryan/Brendon! It's based on some real life history so if there are any inconsistencies in history or time periods, let me know ASAP! Some history is obviously altered for plot.

**APRIL 27 2013 - LOS ANGELES**

There's a date ripped out of my calendar, a date that stings in my chest and hurts my eyes. It hurt to look at knowing it was probably the end for me. It hurt more than a bright neon sign in the middle of a deserted highway screaming "MOVE ON".

The words could burn; I could have it branded on my skin, but I knew the pain that would come with the searing metal and a lasting despondency when my fingers would trace over them. 

I try to forget the date existed, I'll pretend that it's April 26 again and re-do all the things I did yesterday. 

Today's date: April 27th. And it will leave nothing in my memory.

The sun leaves rays of light through my bedroom curtains, landing on a white and gold card. The light that reflects the card hits my eyes and I read its contents again before throwing it away for the last time. 

_You are cordially invited to the matrimony of BRENDON URIE and SARAH ORZECHOWSKI..._

I scoff as I tear the card into a million useless pieces. 

I am not angry.

The pieces are scattered all over the floor, reminding me of pale snow in the winter. I wish I preferred winter, but I find I only remember shining suns and the sweltering heat of summers past. I'm almost glad their wedding is in the spring, and not on a summer day. He can't take those away from me too.

My eyes are red and my cheeks are glistening when I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror. 

I do not recall the moment I cried.

I walk out of the door with a clean shave and a suit from the back of my closet. I don't know why I bothered to rip up the invitation when I'd already memorized its words. After one more look into the rear view mirror, I exit my driveway to a wedding I refuse to attend. 

I persuade myself not to object because he is happy now.

I persuade myself to leave when I realize I've arrived far too late.

I persuade myself to forget how his lips mouthed "I do". 

And finally, I persuade myself to fall asleep because fate decided this wasn't our lifetime.


	2. 3rd Lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1800s.

* * *

**JULY 3 1863 - GETTYSBURG**

I taste the salt of sweat on my lips as I point my gun toward enemy lines. My father was wrong about the Union; I was glad I had enough sense to head North before all this war nonsense occurred. I think the entire state felt a victory rushing through their bones. There's dirt everywhere and I shoot at nothing, I shoot at something. 

"You watching your aim, Ross?" A body rushes to my side, hitting my shoulder. I turn my head and see the biggest smile in Gettysburg belonging to a man they call Spencer Smith.

"I'm quite alright," I yell, flashing a quick smile. 

"Good. We got a war to win," he replies, taking off and helping the other soldiers.

I decide to follow because I'd follow that man anywhere. Spencer is a one of a kind guy, the type to take you in when you've got no home or to feed you when you're hungry. For those reasons, I trust him with my life, and in the small amount of time I knew him, we became family.

When my eyes adjust, I run toward the flock of soldiers, lungs burning in the heat of summer. Blowing canons create a ringing in my ears, but I don't mind. Adrenaline pumps through my veins and it's enough to keep me standing. A quick pain in my knee, however, doesn't.

I should learn to expect the unexpected when another bullet hits the side of my torso. I thought I was protected. 

I never make it to Spencer by the time I hit the ground. The pain is overwhelming and not at all what I imagined. I didn't expect this much blood. My filthy hands release the gun and put pressure on the side of my stomach. I feel like screaming and crying; it hurts so much. 

My eyes open to a blurry image of a Confederate soldier pointing his gun to my head.

Damn bastard.

My vision clears, but I'm still in pain. It's when I look into familiar brown eyes that I forget.

His stare features fear, not hatred. Guilt, but not pity. Hesitation refuses to let him pull the trigger; I wonder what made him shoot me in the first place.

I know his face, I've seen it before. I'm not a smart man, but I know he thinks the same. 

Another Confederate draws near and he's shouting, "What are you waiting for Brendon?! Kill him!"

The man named Brendon still does not shoot. 

"Do I -"

He never finishes his sentence. 

In a split second, Spencer tackles him to the ground yelling profanities. I try screaming, "stop", but Spencer won't listen. I scream until my throat is raw and the gun shots become louder than my voice. I can't tell who's winning the fight. The noise is too overwhelming.

I figure this is it. I'll never see the end of a bloody war. 

But for some reason, I feel content. It feels alright to die like this.

**Author's Note:**

> There's gonna be random updates so the completion date is tentative... I have some chapters written up but not completed so we'll see where this goes? Oh, and each chapter is a different lifetime so to speak.


End file.
